Friday, July 26, 2013

The Hypnotist

Am I really where I was in December 2010, when your physical abuse towards me escalated and my cry for help was answered?  As close to homelessness as death.  A face in the mirror I did not recognize.  Financially and emotionally dependent on you. Exhaused and confused, with nothing to look forward to.  Isolated from friends and family.  My only solace was you.  You had planned it that way--slowly and methodically. Twisted my mind and thoughts so I questioned myself and reality.  Doubting myself, my perceptions and beliefs.

You deceived everyone.  That is what you do best.  Hours upon hours I contemplated and tried to please you.  I didn't want to be like any of your ex's -Mary Ann, Crying Girl, Evanne, Stephanie, Danielle, Crazy Kirsten, Sophie, Lauren, Julie etc.

Your allies think the world of you just like I did.  You could turn on the charm, the kindness, the warmth, and the humour.  You mastered it all.  Mastery one of your favorite words.

You had me convinced I was the cause of your behavior and I needed to share the blame. I fell for your intensity.  I truly believed I was the only woman who could ever matter so much to you.  I went in with my eyes wide open.  As you aptly reminded me daily, my duty was to be by your side and focus on you.  I had no reason whatsoever to be depressed.

I took away your power.  That power you value so highly. The power you used to control me.  All the little games you played making me feel as if I was crazy.

Here I am today still standing.  Though the foundation may be weak and trembling.  I have gained strength.

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