Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Chasing Shadows

I jumped into the New Year with an entire new attitude and a letting go of my ex and everything he did. Healing is a process another survivor shared with me. I spent and entire year healing and trying to find myself after being lost for so long.  I found that strength that my close friends knew I had buried.  I try to start each day hoping for the best instead of being afraid.  But deep down inside that fear lingers.  I can't explain it other to say it's there.  It never goes away completely.  It's an almost knowing that he will do something.  Even if it's not today, tomorrow, next week, next month or next year.  He will eventually make me disappear just like he has always threatened to do. So I wait.

And lo and behold, my ex decides to embark on a publicity tour.  His very own publicity tour to rant about me and the local police department who saved my life.   He called into two local radio stations during a one week period in January.  Thankfully I did not hear either of his interviews.  Friends did.  Based on various reports, he pretty much sounded like the sociopath he truly is.  Never taking responsibility for any of his actions.  Accusing me of unfaithfulness and a bunch of other accusations.

And I fall apart all over again. 

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